24 July 2007

Tories' disgraceful end of term report

As Hammersmith & Fulham Tory councillors head off for their summer holidays, the Class of 2006's end of term reports make dismal reading. There are still almost three years to their exams when they will finally leave school but cuts in school funds have made it a difficult year for this unpopular class. They gave themselves extra pocket money, but were caught out before they could leave the school gates. The school became notorious in the national media when members of the class flogged off the family silver in the playground. Their lessons have become increasingly noisy and disruptive, and local neighbours have made regular complaints about the class not listening.

Stephen Greenhalgh: Head boy. Still hankers after his old school but should have spent more time worrying about all the schools in his area. Must stop having seconds at lunchtime and do more PE.

Nicholas Botterill: Class swot. Can't keep a secret and is too keen to make others pay for their mistakes.

Antony Lillis: Always getting into trouble. Wants to be liked but can't help making big mistakes. Perhaps he is being bullied by his classmates.

Frances Stainton: History is her best subject. She knows which assets to sell in the school tuck shop.

Greg Smith: Not tolerant of other children. Puts all his eggs in one basket and surprised when things go wrong elsewhere.

Adronie Alford: Poor at home economics. Can't even get her own foot on the ladder in the gym.

Mark Loveday: Thinks he's the cleverest boy in class. Often claims credit for achievements of Class of 2002.

Paul Bristow: New boy. Should spend less time blogging. Typical bully - happy to dish it out but doesn't like it back.

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